It feels like 107 here today. That is not hyperbole, that is what the news says. It also feels like 107 inside my apartment because today seemed like a good day to clean my oven. For about the past four hours, it has been baking its insides at ungodly temperatures. I closed my kitchen door and try not to go into the kitchen much. I also forked over $55 to have my carpet cleaned today in preparation for my move on Monday. The good news is that the rest of my apartment in hardwood laminate flooring. The bad news is that everything that was in my bedroom is now in my living room. I really don't have much space: the bed is propped up against the wall, boxes are thrown on top of one another, some half open, some closed, some I'm not sure what they are doing. It is very hard to live in an apartment, pack an apartment and clean an apartment all at the same time.
My lease is up tomorrow. My new lease begins on August 1. You do the math. Renting in River City really stinks sometimes. But, this is par. Most places make you vacate on the 28th so they can clean, paint and prepare for the next tenants to move in. Fortunately, the person moving into my unit won't move in until mid-August and my landlord was gracious enough to let me stay until August 1. On the other end, the unit I am moving into won't be available until August 1. I don't have to move my stuff into storage or anything, but this is still logistically challenging to live and pack and clean at the same time.
Usually, I rely on the kindness of my dear friends to help me move. Considering that this move is going to be more difficult (small window of time, awkward furniture, second story up switchback stairs) I decided to hire movers. I pray they show up and do their job.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Bobble Head
A little over a year ago I experienced weird rocking and bobbing sensations after a train trip to and from Denver. Perplexed and confused, and having been advised by the internet to see a doctor if I had dizzy sensations for over a week, I made an appointment at the student health center. Doctor #1 didn't know what it was and referred me to the ENT. Dr. Resident #2 wasn't sure what it was. Dr. #3 knew what it was and diagnosed with me with Mal De Debarquement. He couldn't tell me much about it other than it should go away on its own. That was a year ago.
This past year I constantly felt like I was walking on a suspension bridge, my memory sputtered on occasion, and I learned the hard way that parades caused me to experience panic attacks. I later deduced that I had a sensitivity to scrolling movements (like parades) and taught myself to look away from the computer monitor if I have no other option but to scroll through a document. My symptoms interacted with stress, weather and hormones in ways that led to intense sensations of rocking compounded with cloudy thinking. Respite comes in my sleep, after shiatsu massages and sometimes out of the blue for no apparent reason.
From the beginning, Dr. #3 informed me of a prescription (with potential addictive properties and withdrawal symptoms). This past year was dedicated to avoiding said prescription and finding alternative ways to heal. It was not easy, especially with events like the death of a dear friend, comprehensive exams and the general feelings of inadequacy one picks up in grad school.
At my six month check up, Dr. #3 prescribed acupuncture and massage therapy because I felt that massage therapy was helping. He was very supportive in helping me avoid prescriptions; especially the one in particular that a physician friend characterized as having "street value". Insurance did not cover massages. The thought of filling the prescription to pay for massages briefly crossed my mind.
At the one year mark I started seeing a chiropractor, taking another prescription to help relax my body, and started sitting on a balance ball at work (after a year of rocking I was willing to try anything no matter how crazy it sounded). Mal de Debarquement has kept my hubris in check. I've learned that just because I have one good day that does not mean that I am cured; it just means that I had one good day- nothing more, nothing less. But I've noticed lately that I've been having more good days in a row. No, the bobbing and rocking is not gone, but it has subsided. I still know it could get better and it could get worse, but for now... I'm just appreciating the uptick in good days.
This past year I constantly felt like I was walking on a suspension bridge, my memory sputtered on occasion, and I learned the hard way that parades caused me to experience panic attacks. I later deduced that I had a sensitivity to scrolling movements (like parades) and taught myself to look away from the computer monitor if I have no other option but to scroll through a document. My symptoms interacted with stress, weather and hormones in ways that led to intense sensations of rocking compounded with cloudy thinking. Respite comes in my sleep, after shiatsu massages and sometimes out of the blue for no apparent reason.
From the beginning, Dr. #3 informed me of a prescription (with potential addictive properties and withdrawal symptoms). This past year was dedicated to avoiding said prescription and finding alternative ways to heal. It was not easy, especially with events like the death of a dear friend, comprehensive exams and the general feelings of inadequacy one picks up in grad school.
At my six month check up, Dr. #3 prescribed acupuncture and massage therapy because I felt that massage therapy was helping. He was very supportive in helping me avoid prescriptions; especially the one in particular that a physician friend characterized as having "street value". Insurance did not cover massages. The thought of filling the prescription to pay for massages briefly crossed my mind.
At the one year mark I started seeing a chiropractor, taking another prescription to help relax my body, and started sitting on a balance ball at work (after a year of rocking I was willing to try anything no matter how crazy it sounded). Mal de Debarquement has kept my hubris in check. I've learned that just because I have one good day that does not mean that I am cured; it just means that I had one good day- nothing more, nothing less. But I've noticed lately that I've been having more good days in a row. No, the bobbing and rocking is not gone, but it has subsided. I still know it could get better and it could get worse, but for now... I'm just appreciating the uptick in good days.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Spring to Summer
Spring has been lovely here. Unlike past years, it seems to have taken its time. Many showers kept the temps cool, the grass green and the flowers vibrant. The lilac and honeysuckle are amazing.
I turned down an internship this summer and honestly, I have very few pangs of regret. My summer job here is going well. The work is interesting, relevant and perhaps most importantly, if feels right. My work week is only 20 hours long, allowing for ample time to chat with friends over long lunches and the occasional lunch-hour workout. I could get used to working part time
Next weekend, Greg and I are traveling to New York City. Really, our destination is Coney Island. When India doesn't work out, at least there is Coney Island. Supposedly, Coney Island is going upscale and Greg wants to see it before it gets too polished. I have a friend in NYC I promised to visit. I expect it to be a great trip and not nearly as costly as India.
I turned down an internship this summer and honestly, I have very few pangs of regret. My summer job here is going well. The work is interesting, relevant and perhaps most importantly, if feels right. My work week is only 20 hours long, allowing for ample time to chat with friends over long lunches and the occasional lunch-hour workout. I could get used to working part time
Next weekend, Greg and I are traveling to New York City. Really, our destination is Coney Island. When India doesn't work out, at least there is Coney Island. Supposedly, Coney Island is going upscale and Greg wants to see it before it gets too polished. I have a friend in NYC I promised to visit. I expect it to be a great trip and not nearly as costly as India.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Photo Assignment
I don't really like any of the assignments I am supposed to be working on right now. So, I gave myself an assignment: Go for a walk in the woods and take pictures. LOVELY assignment, don't mind if I do.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Candidate
Having passed comps, I am now officially a "Ph.D. Candidate" whereas before, I was merely a "Ph.D. Student." Accordingly, I have changed my e-mail signature line to reflect the "promotion."
I'm also doing it because, well, I'm going on the market soon. Within six to eight months, I will begin an active job search. Tossing around the words "ABD" (all but dissertation) or "just passed my comps" or "candidate" are ways to drop hints. Surprisingly, people pick it up, as I learned last week at a conference. Some asked me what kind of work I am interested in doing. When will I start looking for a job. What my dissertation topic will be. One person apprised me of a job that was opening with Organization A within the year; another sent me info about jobs at Company B. A researcher from Organization C just wrote to ask for a paper I wrote for the conference.
So, anyway. I suppose I am sitting up straighter, smiling a bit wider, and making more confident eye contact these days. It seems that anyone could be an employer.
I'm also doing it because, well, I'm going on the market soon. Within six to eight months, I will begin an active job search. Tossing around the words "ABD" (all but dissertation) or "just passed my comps" or "candidate" are ways to drop hints. Surprisingly, people pick it up, as I learned last week at a conference. Some asked me what kind of work I am interested in doing. When will I start looking for a job. What my dissertation topic will be. One person apprised me of a job that was opening with Organization A within the year; another sent me info about jobs at Company B. A researcher from Organization C just wrote to ask for a paper I wrote for the conference.
So, anyway. I suppose I am sitting up straighter, smiling a bit wider, and making more confident eye contact these days. It seems that anyone could be an employer.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Whatever gets you through
My motivation in one particular class has been flagging. I’m not convinced that the professor actually reads our papers and I’m somewhat indifferent about any feedback he would provide anyway. A ten page paper was due yesterday. I pulled off an amazing feat: I wrote the paper in about 48 hours. Not wanting to spend any more time on it than was absolutely necessary, I made myself feel the pressure of completion. Maybe this is just a testament to my growth, but it didn’t really stress me out. Two year ago? Yes, I would have been a mess.
That isn’t to say that it was an easy paper to write. It wasn’t. Actually, it was excruciating considering the circumstances (prof, topic, motivation, etc.) But, I found something to help me through: The Decorah Eagles.
You probably heard about them. It seems anyone with an internet connection knows about them. For those not in the know, it is a web camera located in an eagles' nest. When I first started watching, I totally felt like I was violating their privacy. I soon overcame that feeling and started to appreciate this avian family. They helped me through the day. I keep one window open on my computer desktop so I can watch the eagles, the other window was open to the document I am working on. When I get bored or need a distraction, I watch the birds for a while, then I go back to work. It is the perfect study break. Yesterday, I got to watch the mama feed the little ones. Today, I’ve marveled at how the eagle sits so patiently on the young to keep them warm and protected.
Everyone has a trick to help them through their dissertation; I think one of mine is the Decorah Eagles.
Friday, April 1, 2011
I believe in balance. I believe in exploring my world. I believe I believe in helping others expand their worlds. So, today when I had the opportunity to introduce a Taiwanese friend to falafel sandwiches, I couldn't resist. Yes! Try something new! That is a pita. That is falafel! That is humus! You can get chicken on that sandwhich, too! Here, try this sauce! She wanted me to expand her world and I obliged. This particular student earned my respect from the beginning and has maintained it ever since. Gracious, joyous, wise and intelligent: she is a reminder to me to continually strive to be a better person. Today, I taught her the phrase "old soul," because that is what she is. She is also the one who helped me and guided me through comps. One thing neither of us expected post-comps was a slump we are both in. It resembles a case of senioritis, or something I felt as a teacher about one month before school was out for the summer. After learning the word "volition" in her ed psych class, my friend self diagnosed what we are both experiencing as a "volition problem." I suppose that is just as good of a description as any right now. All I know is that I sometimes find myself writing, I don't really care in the margins of my notes. Or unconsciously typing I'm very bored right now when I don't know what next to write in a paper. Another friend asked me yesterday what keeps me motivated. I'm not sure right now. I told her it was my own sense of dignity. Certainly, grad school can be very undignifying at times, so I suppose I was relieved to realize I still have some of it left, and it is worth working for. Dignity, and the faith that my world will expand again, soon. That is why I keep working.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
