Bobble Head

A little over a year ago I experienced weird rocking and bobbing sensations after a train trip to and from Denver. Perplexed and confused, and having been advised by the internet to see a doctor if I had dizzy sensations for over a week, I made an appointment at the student health center. Doctor #1 didn't know what it was and referred me to the ENT. Dr. Resident #2 wasn't sure what it was. Dr. #3 knew what it was and diagnosed with me with Mal De Debarquement. He couldn't tell me much about it other than it should go away on its own. That was a year ago.

This past year I constantly felt like I was walking on a suspension bridge, my memory sputtered on occasion, and I learned the hard way that parades caused me to experience panic attacks. I later deduced that I had a sensitivity to scrolling movements (like parades) and taught myself to look away from the computer monitor if I have no other option but to scroll through a document. My symptoms interacted with stress, weather and hormones in ways that led to intense sensations of rocking compounded with cloudy thinking. Respite comes in my sleep, after shiatsu massages and sometimes out of the blue for no apparent reason.

From the beginning, Dr. #3 informed me of a prescription (with potential addictive properties and withdrawal symptoms). This past year was dedicated to avoiding said prescription and finding alternative ways to heal. It was not easy, especially with events like the death of a dear friend, comprehensive exams and the general feelings of inadequacy one picks up in grad school.

At my six month check up, Dr. #3 prescribed acupuncture and massage therapy because I felt that massage therapy was helping. He was very supportive in helping me avoid prescriptions; especially the one in particular that a physician friend characterized as having "street value". Insurance did not cover massages. The thought of filling the prescription to pay for massages briefly crossed my mind.

At the one year mark I started seeing a chiropractor, taking another prescription to help relax my body, and started sitting on a balance ball at work (after a year of rocking I was willing to try anything no matter how crazy it sounded). Mal de Debarquement has kept my hubris in check. I've learned that just because I have one good day that does not mean that I am cured; it just means that I had one good day- nothing more, nothing less. But I've noticed lately that I've been having more good days in a row. No, the bobbing and rocking is not gone, but it has subsided. I still know it could get better and it could get worse, but for now... I'm just appreciating the uptick in good days.