Photo Assignment

I don't really like any of the assignments I am supposed to be working on right now. So, I gave myself an assignment: Go for a walk in the woods and take pictures. LOVELY assignment, don't mind if I do.

Candidate

Having passed comps, I am now officially a "Ph.D. Candidate" whereas before, I was merely a "Ph.D. Student." Accordingly, I have changed my e-mail signature line to reflect the "promotion."

I'm also doing it because, well, I'm going on the market soon. Within six to eight months, I will begin an active job search. Tossing around the words "ABD" (all but dissertation) or "just passed my comps" or "candidate" are ways to drop hints. Surprisingly, people pick it up, as I learned last week at a conference. Some asked me what kind of work I am interested in doing. When will I start looking for a job. What my dissertation topic will be. One person apprised me of a job that was opening with Organization A within the year; another sent me info about jobs at Company B. A researcher from Organization C just wrote to ask for a paper I wrote for the conference.

So, anyway. I suppose I am sitting up straighter, smiling a bit wider, and making more confident eye contact these days. It seems that anyone could be an employer.

Whatever gets you through

My motivation in one particular class has been flagging. I’m not convinced that the professor actually reads our papers and I’m somewhat indifferent about any feedback he would provide anyway. A ten page paper was due yesterday. I pulled off an amazing feat: I wrote the paper in about 48 hours. Not wanting to spend any more time on it than was absolutely necessary, I made myself feel the pressure of completion. Maybe this is just a testament to my growth, but it didn’t really stress me out. Two year ago? Yes, I would have been a mess.

That isn’t to say that it was an easy paper to write. It wasn’t. Actually, it was excruciating considering the circumstances (prof, topic, motivation, etc.) But, I found something to help me through: The Decorah Eagles.

You probably heard about them. It seems anyone with an internet connection knows about them. For those not in the know, it is a web camera located in an eagles' nest. When I first started watching, I totally felt like I was violating their privacy. I soon overcame that feeling and started to appreciate this avian family. They helped me through the day. I keep one window open on my computer desktop so I can watch the eagles, the other window was open to the document I am working on. When I get bored or need a distraction, I watch the birds for a while, then I go back to work. It is the perfect study break. Yesterday, I got to watch the mama feed the little ones. Today, I’ve marveled at how the eagle sits so patiently on the young to keep them warm and protected.

Everyone has a trick to help them through their dissertation; I think one of mine is the Decorah Eagles.

http://www.ustream.tv/decoraheagles

I believe in balance. I believe in exploring my world. I believe I believe in helping others expand their worlds. So, today when I had the opportunity to introduce a Taiwanese friend to falafel sandwiches, I couldn't resist. Yes! Try something new! That is a pita. That is falafel! That is humus! You can get chicken on that sandwhich, too! Here, try this sauce! She wanted me to expand her world and I obliged. This particular student earned my respect from the beginning and has maintained it ever since. Gracious, joyous, wise and intelligent: she is a reminder to me to continually strive to be a better person. Today, I taught her the phrase "old soul," because that is what she is. She is also the one who helped me and guided me through comps. One thing neither of us expected post-comps was a slump we are both in. It resembles a case of senioritis, or something I felt as a teacher about one month before school was out for the summer. After learning the word "volition" in her ed psych class, my friend self diagnosed what we are both experiencing as a "volition problem." I suppose that is just as good of a description as any right now. All I know is that I sometimes find myself writing, I don't really care in the margins of my notes. Or unconsciously typing I'm very bored right now when I don't know what next to write in a paper. Another friend asked me yesterday what keeps me motivated. I'm not sure right now. I told her it was my own sense of dignity. Certainly, grad school can be very undignifying at times, so I suppose I was relieved to realize I still have some of it left, and it is worth working for. Dignity, and the faith that my world will expand again, soon. That is why I keep working.