Class

Classes. Let's talk about classes. Afterall, this is the education of Karoline, is it not?

Where do I begin? Remember last year when I said it was a very hard semester? Well, I haven't gotten too far in, but this will probably be challenging as well.

For instance, an old office mate of mine asked how one particular class was.

I wanted to respond: Have you ever been blindfolded with a burlap bag over your head, drugged with caffeine pills and and blasted in a rocket ship to an unknown destination? Because that is what if feels like.

Instead I just said: It is hard.

My adviser said that when she went through the program, it was common procedure to just sit in on the class and audit it one semester and then take it again when it was offered two years later for credit. That tradition has fallen by the wayside evidently.

What is so hard about it? I don't think it is the content. I'm interested in the content. I don't think it is the math. I am completely capable of doing the math (even if I haven't done a proof since the 10th grade and struggled to understand calculus.) It is that my need for conceptual understandings may go unmet in this class. I need contexts, I need examples, I need to know why what I am doing is important. This is a theory class. It even says so in the title. It is abstract and the professor is more interested in showing us how theories work mathematically. He is an old-school Harvard educated man who wants to challenge us. My first challenge will be to remember to carry out all calculations to five decimal places (!) I know this class will make me a better thinker and questioner. Honestly, my number one struggle for this class will be my own personal attitude. I will have to monitor negative thoughts and remind myself that I am completely capable of learning and doing the work, and it might take me longer. Actually, I know it will take me longer, I want to learn, I want to understand, and that takes time. I will do fine in this class, I will just be working really hard.

I am now off to continue reading a 250+ page book...by Tuesday. It is a good thing I like what I'm studying, I don't think one can get through a PhD program otherwise.

Live Cubed

With the new year comes a new office. I've relocated to a new office just across the hall from my old office. And unofficially, I've maintained some residency in my old office. It provids ample workspace and banks of windows for when I need to get away from my new office. My old office is now referred to as my vacation office. My new office looks like an traditional office; complete with Herman Miller chairs, cubicles and beige carpeting. Although, I am fairly certain the cubicle architects who designed our office did not take feng shui principles into account. I think it only bothers me and another woman from Taiwan.

This is the first time I've moved into a cubicle and I'm not sure how I feel about this. When I was a classroom teacher, I used to believe that a bad day in the classroom was better that a good day in an office. And now, here I am, reporting daily to something that looks like a Dilbert cartoon. One office mate talks about cheese curds in Michigan, another is discussing statistical software packages. At some points, I even feel like I am on "The Office" staring blankly out of my cubicle at another unadorned cubicle wall. It's like when you are camping and you watch torrents of rain outside your tent door and you think it's yucky out there. That is what I feel like staring out of my cubicle, just watching time pass and why I keep my "vacation office."

So why am I not teaching if I still stand by my statement regarding classrooms and offices? Because, I really like my work.

New Year's Eve

Although classes don't start until Monday, obligations begin tomorrow. I'm fine with this fact. Not that sleeping in, reading copiously (leisure books even!), exercising and eating remarkably well have done me wrong, it is just that vacation did what it was supposed to do. My summer was effective in proving ample time for rejuvenation and now, I'm ready for another year.

This upcoming year, my second year (!), I will continue to work as a graduate research assistant although specific assignments will be clarified tomorrow, I presume I will continue to work on the same projects I worked on last year and throughout this summer.

Iowa City is morphing back into a beloved college town. Again the mean age of Iowa City is declining as first year graduate students and then undergraduates make their way back for the academic year. My section of the apartment building saw serious turnover this year. Of the 8 apartments only two of us have stayed (and even then the other person moved from a studio to a larger apartment.) It appears I am the only one to have stayed put.

After staying here a year, I realized that there are many things I LOVE about Iowa; the fact I can get ANYWHERE in under 15 minutest (usually it only takes less than 10,) the Shakespeare festival, the friendly and pragmatic culture, the heirloom tomatoes at the farmers market, the Amish grocery store. These are all things I love about being here, but the previous paragraph describes how living in Iowa City can be so hard...people leave. Sure the converse is that new people come, but transiency makes it difficult to establish deeper relationships with people.

For instance, the other day when I realized that ALL BUT ONE of my closest friends in IC will leave at the end of this school year. Ugh. I'm happy for them that they will finish and get to do amazing things, but it is hard knowing that they will leave. Friends came and went it Denver, but here, I feel like on a treadmill of friendships, making friends as a student here never really stops. On the bright side, most people I meet tend to be amazing people. They are down-to-Earth thoughtful, intelligent and fun people. And so I continue to forge friendships and nurture what I have. All the while thankful for friends of my past, that check in on occasion, just to say 'hi.'

One year ago today I moved from Colorado

Written by me but generously borrowed from and inspired by

The Spirit and the Soul by Jack Gilbert

One year ago today I moved from Colorado

It should have been alpine athleticism that lasted. Should have been Copper and Vail slopes. But it was not. They were destinations, not the journey. It could have been my students’ names and faces, but there are many to remember. Judith and Julie and Diane lasted. It was wisdom of women that made this woman wiser, and wiser again. It was soothsayer Steve. It was the important love and serious lust. It was Colfax grit that lasted. The strip of tattoo parlors, flop houses. Not Wash Park, but the shroud of brown air tucked over the city, thick enough to pave streets or coat lungs. A glowing cross the size of crusades on the foothill. Mountains of trees suffocated by bark beetles and ready for cremation should lightning strike.

When I was a girl, my mother spoke of her summer days and college job, atop Pikes Peak selling oriental trinkets to tourists. In the evenings she would watch the setting sun cast shadows of the mountain across the plain. Something sightseers never see, but occurs daily.

I-70 mountain traffic, creeping like glaciers down the valley did not last. But cozy homes and hospitality of Friends on Sunday nights and William’s pies and Maya’s tamari dressing lasted. H-Line and the 135 lasted. Hiking Gray’s with Andrew,Quandry with Greg, Chicago Loop with Darcy. The columbines and wild roses. Walking the Highline Canal, under cottonwood tree arches and knowing my grandmother was dying remains in me forever.

It is not about the spirit. The spirit comes and goes. But the soul enlarges us like buffalo and Fat Tire humming in the belly. What lasted is what the soul ate. The way the child knows the world by putting it part by part into its mouth. Not devouring but savoring my way to the Truth. Nestling my life against a that life.

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I was taught this summer that it is a practice to study another poet's form and structure by either copying a poem or incorporating your own writing into an established poem. This was my stab at that in recognition of my one year anniversary of moving from Denver. Blogspot makes it difficult to maintain formatting so I apologize for that. At some point I might right about my one year anniversary of living in Iowa.

A Highlight

Vacation was amazing. I needed to get out of Iowa City. When someone asked me about the highlights, the first thing that popped into my mind was a nap I took. Sure, there was the delicious food, the interesting people we encountered using public transit and the scenery was spectacular. But one of my favorite things was a particular nap I took, dozing under the warm sun with the ocean breeze keeping me cool, the sound of the waves and gulls lulling me into rest. It was a wonderful nap and certainly a highlight.

I sent pictures out. If you did not receive an 'invite" to look at my pictures, let me know and I can send you the link.

Service

I called my landlord to fix my toilet. She said, "We will call our repair man and he should have it fixed sometime today." I hung up the phone with little faith it would be fixed today.

Fifteen minutes later the repair man knocked on my door to fix the problem. Amazing.

Vacation Day 2: Departing the Deer Trail

Sometimes my life is like that of a deer. I tell people that if you were to take an aerial photo of my life, my tracks would look like those of a deer trail. I usually follow the same sidewalks to the same places, down by the river, through the ravine, to my office. I travel a well worn path. I and the deer rarely veer off course.

I got sick of the 'deer trail' around mid summer and decided I NEEDED to get out of IC. One afternoon, I shared my sentiments with a professor, who agreed with me. TO APPRECIATE IOWA, YOU MUST LEAVE AND COME BACK TO IT. Right now, I'm enjoying the 'leaving' part.

Andrea and I went to the farmers' market this morning and purchased the most amazing peaches. They wouldn't win any beauty contest, but they tasted amazing. The juice dribbled from marbled peach flesh and ran down my wrists. We also purchased some raw milk cheese which was fabulous. I asked Andrea to stuff my Christmas stocking with that cheese.

We took the dog to the kennel and soon we will be on our way to Portland.