What I Learned

For a policy class I am taking, I have to read Sources of Power by... I don't remember and I'm too lazy to go look. But I learned something new, something that, for better or worse, expanded my world. I've always been interested in intuition and feel that I have a strong intuition about certain people, decisions or events. As it turns out, the book suggests intuition is an emotional response, not a "sixth sense" as people often like to attribute it to. It is an emotional response to the consequences of good or bad choices.

morning calisthenics

My hard class is still hard. Much to my chagrin, I started making note cards to help me learn/ review/ memorize. My wonderful friend, whom deserves the Gold Star Friend Award (there are several of you who deserve this award) volunteered to listen to me talk through my flash cards as we walked to school today. Not only did she volunteer to do it, it was her idea. Bless her heart! What kind of an amazing friend actually says, "You know if you just want to talk through things on our walk, you can totally do that, I'll listen." An amazing one. Not only did she listen, she asked questions. Not once did she seem bored to learn about covariance, correlations or reliability!

Funny thing was, when we both sat in statistics this morning we were both at the top of our game. It was as if our academic walk in primed us for the day. Our minds had performed morning calisthenics and we were tracking through the entire class. I don't know if J- is such a good friend as to let me ramble about theory every morning on our way to school, but it helped and I am thankful for friends who listen (even to seemingly boring crap I'm trying to learn.)

Lecture

Professor:
Why would you choose an alpha level of .5? You might as well flip a coin to reject your hypothesis.

Class: [Chuckles]

Wow...that was nerdy.

uphill

This morning, I was walking to my office after my first class and bumped into an acquaintance from Colorado. We earned our MAs together. On the stairs, we kept glancing at each other and doing double takes. Finally, I was the one to ask from where we knew each other. We reintroduced ourselves. He then shared with me that his adviser whom recruited him to Iowa moved back to Colorado. Today was the kind of day that I was envious of his adviser who got to move back to Colorado. And really, honestly, it is not that I want to be back in Colorado, I'm just down about here.

Remember the "hard" class I blogged about. Well, I had my first quiz in there today. I honestly can't remember the last time that I failed a quiz. Oh wait, yes I can, it was today. I could come up with excuses like, "this is only the second week and we really haven't learned anything in that class anyway" or "he never told us what to study." But when it comes down to it, I didn't know the material. It is not that I didn't study, I most certainly did. It is not that I am not capable of the work, I am. It is that it is just flat out hard for me. This is the first closed note test I've taken here. Up until this point I have refused to memorize and still professionally and personally believe there is little value in memorizing, but my opinions are not going to help me pass.

Friends have given me wonderful advice that I plan to heed and have informed me that the second year is a hard year. I sense the honeymoon of the first year is over and we've all emerged in the thick of things. I'm not down about the program, as a matter of fact, I found my "hard" class to be very interesting today and it felt good to do some writing I had to do. I still think I'm on the right track, but this train is moving uphill slowly.

Class

Classes. Let's talk about classes. Afterall, this is the education of Karoline, is it not?

Where do I begin? Remember last year when I said it was a very hard semester? Well, I haven't gotten too far in, but this will probably be challenging as well.

For instance, an old office mate of mine asked how one particular class was.

I wanted to respond: Have you ever been blindfolded with a burlap bag over your head, drugged with caffeine pills and and blasted in a rocket ship to an unknown destination? Because that is what if feels like.

Instead I just said: It is hard.

My adviser said that when she went through the program, it was common procedure to just sit in on the class and audit it one semester and then take it again when it was offered two years later for credit. That tradition has fallen by the wayside evidently.

What is so hard about it? I don't think it is the content. I'm interested in the content. I don't think it is the math. I am completely capable of doing the math (even if I haven't done a proof since the 10th grade and struggled to understand calculus.) It is that my need for conceptual understandings may go unmet in this class. I need contexts, I need examples, I need to know why what I am doing is important. This is a theory class. It even says so in the title. It is abstract and the professor is more interested in showing us how theories work mathematically. He is an old-school Harvard educated man who wants to challenge us. My first challenge will be to remember to carry out all calculations to five decimal places (!) I know this class will make me a better thinker and questioner. Honestly, my number one struggle for this class will be my own personal attitude. I will have to monitor negative thoughts and remind myself that I am completely capable of learning and doing the work, and it might take me longer. Actually, I know it will take me longer, I want to learn, I want to understand, and that takes time. I will do fine in this class, I will just be working really hard.

I am now off to continue reading a 250+ page book...by Tuesday. It is a good thing I like what I'm studying, I don't think one can get through a PhD program otherwise.

Live Cubed

With the new year comes a new office. I've relocated to a new office just across the hall from my old office. And unofficially, I've maintained some residency in my old office. It provids ample workspace and banks of windows for when I need to get away from my new office. My old office is now referred to as my vacation office. My new office looks like an traditional office; complete with Herman Miller chairs, cubicles and beige carpeting. Although, I am fairly certain the cubicle architects who designed our office did not take feng shui principles into account. I think it only bothers me and another woman from Taiwan.

This is the first time I've moved into a cubicle and I'm not sure how I feel about this. When I was a classroom teacher, I used to believe that a bad day in the classroom was better that a good day in an office. And now, here I am, reporting daily to something that looks like a Dilbert cartoon. One office mate talks about cheese curds in Michigan, another is discussing statistical software packages. At some points, I even feel like I am on "The Office" staring blankly out of my cubicle at another unadorned cubicle wall. It's like when you are camping and you watch torrents of rain outside your tent door and you think it's yucky out there. That is what I feel like staring out of my cubicle, just watching time pass and why I keep my "vacation office."

So why am I not teaching if I still stand by my statement regarding classrooms and offices? Because, I really like my work.

New Year's Eve

Although classes don't start until Monday, obligations begin tomorrow. I'm fine with this fact. Not that sleeping in, reading copiously (leisure books even!), exercising and eating remarkably well have done me wrong, it is just that vacation did what it was supposed to do. My summer was effective in proving ample time for rejuvenation and now, I'm ready for another year.

This upcoming year, my second year (!), I will continue to work as a graduate research assistant although specific assignments will be clarified tomorrow, I presume I will continue to work on the same projects I worked on last year and throughout this summer.

Iowa City is morphing back into a beloved college town. Again the mean age of Iowa City is declining as first year graduate students and then undergraduates make their way back for the academic year. My section of the apartment building saw serious turnover this year. Of the 8 apartments only two of us have stayed (and even then the other person moved from a studio to a larger apartment.) It appears I am the only one to have stayed put.

After staying here a year, I realized that there are many things I LOVE about Iowa; the fact I can get ANYWHERE in under 15 minutest (usually it only takes less than 10,) the Shakespeare festival, the friendly and pragmatic culture, the heirloom tomatoes at the farmers market, the Amish grocery store. These are all things I love about being here, but the previous paragraph describes how living in Iowa City can be so hard...people leave. Sure the converse is that new people come, but transiency makes it difficult to establish deeper relationships with people.

For instance, the other day when I realized that ALL BUT ONE of my closest friends in IC will leave at the end of this school year. Ugh. I'm happy for them that they will finish and get to do amazing things, but it is hard knowing that they will leave. Friends came and went it Denver, but here, I feel like on a treadmill of friendships, making friends as a student here never really stops. On the bright side, most people I meet tend to be amazing people. They are down-to-Earth thoughtful, intelligent and fun people. And so I continue to forge friendships and nurture what I have. All the while thankful for friends of my past, that check in on occasion, just to say 'hi.'