Class

Classes. Let's talk about classes. Afterall, this is the education of Karoline, is it not?

Where do I begin? Remember last year when I said it was a very hard semester? Well, I haven't gotten too far in, but this will probably be challenging as well.

For instance, an old office mate of mine asked how one particular class was.

I wanted to respond: Have you ever been blindfolded with a burlap bag over your head, drugged with caffeine pills and and blasted in a rocket ship to an unknown destination? Because that is what if feels like.

Instead I just said: It is hard.

My adviser said that when she went through the program, it was common procedure to just sit in on the class and audit it one semester and then take it again when it was offered two years later for credit. That tradition has fallen by the wayside evidently.

What is so hard about it? I don't think it is the content. I'm interested in the content. I don't think it is the math. I am completely capable of doing the math (even if I haven't done a proof since the 10th grade and struggled to understand calculus.) It is that my need for conceptual understandings may go unmet in this class. I need contexts, I need examples, I need to know why what I am doing is important. This is a theory class. It even says so in the title. It is abstract and the professor is more interested in showing us how theories work mathematically. He is an old-school Harvard educated man who wants to challenge us. My first challenge will be to remember to carry out all calculations to five decimal places (!) I know this class will make me a better thinker and questioner. Honestly, my number one struggle for this class will be my own personal attitude. I will have to monitor negative thoughts and remind myself that I am completely capable of learning and doing the work, and it might take me longer. Actually, I know it will take me longer, I want to learn, I want to understand, and that takes time. I will do fine in this class, I will just be working really hard.

I am now off to continue reading a 250+ page book...by Tuesday. It is a good thing I like what I'm studying, I don't think one can get through a PhD program otherwise.