One of my favorite parts of my daily walk

Bath Time

The garden gnomes got a once a year bath. They worked very hard in the garden this season. I'm proud of them. With the advent of fall, the garden has closed. I will admit that my efforts waned in August. Once my car died, and the weather became hot and rainy, I just didn't make it to the garden but every other week or so. Despite their best efforts, the gnomes could not keep up with the weeds. I was able to harvest basil and delicious tomatoes, but really, by the end, the garden looked unkempt. The next garden will be smaller, closer to my home and will have a more reasonable square foot to gnome ratio.

Latest

Why do insurance companies cover drugs but not massages?

I'm not naive and can probably answer that on my own. But, still it is frustrating.

I opted not to take meds at this time.

Midterms are approaching and I hate it when professors reschedule midterms that were going to be in the evening for two hours to a take-home exams over a weekend in which you planned to visit friends.

Rigor

An acquaintance who graduated from the program with an MA left to finish his PhD at school in the South. I asked him how the new program was going for him. He smiled and said, "The program is not as rigorous as the program here. I feel like I might loose my edge."

It just confirmed what I thought. The program here is challenging, demanding, and there are certainly easier ways to go about getting this degree-- but here I am.

Train Brain

I don't speak much of my "train brain," but it is still present. I've experienced it for 5.5 months now. The feeling that I am barreling through life in train or in a bobbing boat accompanies me all the time. I never get respite and if I do, it is literally for a few seconds to a few minutes. I've started to get very frustrated and angry about it. Train brain (as I now refer to it) is something I could do without. Granted, it could be worse, but this is not fun. If the symptoms do not subside in the next few weeks, I return to the ENT for a conversation in which we talk about putting me on serious drugs. I don't like drugs. I don't have Tylenol/ Advil/ (I might have some expired Alieve) in the house and only take allergy meds when it is downright necessary. So, the thought of being put on drugs is of concern to me.

With the appointment date fast approaching, I'm doing everything I can to get better. Stress is one factor I've noticed that aggravates my condition. As a grad student, you can imagine this is a wee bit inconvenient. However, I'm doing what is in my control to help reduce my stress (which incidentally means I have to release control of somethings... go figure.) So I'm working on healing myself and trying to make this situation better. Such measures include; moving slowly and deliberately, breathing deeply, sometimes sitting still for 15 minutes and not thinking or doing ANYTHING, and receiving massage therapy weekly. My symptoms are reduced, but I'm not back to normal yet. The train is slowing, but it is not in the station.

two ways out

I'm tired of grad school. But, there are only two ways out. One is pretty disappointing, the other is just really hard. I'm taking the hard route. I'll get out sometime.

Itch

I'm getting an itch. It happens every 2-4 years. I get restless. I start seeking. I need something different. I've been in Iowa for two years now, so it doesn't surprise me that I'm starting to feel this impulse. Everyday, I search job postings across the country, hoping to find one in Iowa. I search the usual suspects in Iowa, hoping to find a job locally. Realistically, I'm not serious about a job; I still have coursework and comps this year. But I am looking. I'm ready for something different. I'm ready to work full time again. Hopefully, I will be able to soothe my itch when the time is right.