The fire alarm went of in my hard class (affectionately known by its initials, 'T and T') today. The professor stopped lecturing, went to the door, and watched as people walked by on their way to the exit. My friend turned toward me and another friend, wide-eyed, and said "Would this not be the worst way to die? In a fire, sitting in T and T?"
I couldn't agree more! (A- Thanks for the laugh!)
Thank goodness we were not trapped in a violent inferno. We were spared the last 20 minutes of class by a bag of scorched popcorn.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
You know you you've been studying too much when
Officemate: Karoline, what is your favorite greek letter?
Me: Kappa
Officemate: [Chuckle]
Me: Why? What is your favorite greek letter?
Officemate: I really like lowercase delta.
Me: Kappa
Officemate: [Chuckle]
Me: Why? What is your favorite greek letter?
Officemate: I really like lowercase delta.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Blood Sweat and Tears
Last time I wrote seems so long ago. Sometimes, I don't even know where to begin.
I'll start with most recent happenings. Today was T-day. I've been preparing for an exam now for over two weeks. Strategically, I mapped out my time and diligently clarified notes for my open book exam. Please don't presume this test is easy though just because I have access to resources. As a matter of fact, it makes it a challenge in my opinion. Thumbing through notes, books, old notes, old books, searching for a formula , an answer or sign from God becomes exhausting . White noise of fanning pages infiltrated the room and comforted me, I wasn't the only one searching for answers. For two and a half hours my thought process went something like this...
I can do this, I'm prepared, crap, why did he ask this as the first question...seriously, ok, skip, next, skip, its ok, you'll come back, alright, listen to the pages turn, i'm glad everyone else is using their notes, oh i know this, yes, this is good, i know what i'm doing, yep look at me, look at this, i'm so glad i studied so, wait, those aren't the right degrees of freedom and oh crap, i used that number for the last three problems, at least i caught this, i hope i'm making the right correction, you're always supposed to go with your gut, but i'm pretty certain this is wrong, show work, at least get partial credit, i think this is in my notes, (flip pages) crap! PAPER CUT! now i'm bleeding all over my test, i don't have tissues, good grief, ok, forget about it, move on, ok, choices A-H, no measly 4 choices, no sir, this is the big league, 8 choices, this one is closest, ok, good, i still have two hours to go! my finger continues to bleed, this is a really deep cut! how embarrassing, agh. this is hard, we never really did this in class, i'm presuming this is what i'm supposed to do, what am i doing here? everyone else is smarter than i am, i'm going to have to retake this class, no i'm not, you are doing fine, you will be ok,
And that was just a synopsis of the second assessment of the day. The first was my "hard class." Of course, we weren't informed about this quiz until two days ago. I had planned to do some hard-core studying to catch up this weekend, but nope, the profs had other plans. SO, I gathered a friend who, shall I say, is a "peer" of mine in the course and another friend, who should be teaching the class, for a crash course in beta binomial something somethings... I really had little clue going into the quiz.
When I left Colorado, some coworkers called me "Dr." before I left, I told them they couldn't call me that because I would have to experience a lot of "blood, sweat and tears" before I'd earn that title. However, during my first year, I always thought the "blood, sweat and tears" were metaphorical, you know, a lot of hard work. This year though... Tears? Check. Blood? Check. Sweat? I'm still keeping my cool.
I'll start with most recent happenings. Today was T-day. I've been preparing for an exam now for over two weeks. Strategically, I mapped out my time and diligently clarified notes for my open book exam. Please don't presume this test is easy though just because I have access to resources. As a matter of fact, it makes it a challenge in my opinion. Thumbing through notes, books, old notes, old books, searching for a formula , an answer or sign from God becomes exhausting . White noise of fanning pages infiltrated the room and comforted me, I wasn't the only one searching for answers. For two and a half hours my thought process went something like this...
I can do this, I'm prepared, crap, why did he ask this as the first question...seriously, ok, skip, next, skip, its ok, you'll come back, alright, listen to the pages turn, i'm glad everyone else is using their notes, oh i know this, yes, this is good, i know what i'm doing, yep look at me, look at this, i'm so glad i studied so, wait, those aren't the right degrees of freedom and oh crap, i used that number for the last three problems, at least i caught this, i hope i'm making the right correction, you're always supposed to go with your gut, but i'm pretty certain this is wrong, show work, at least get partial credit, i think this is in my notes, (flip pages) crap! PAPER CUT! now i'm bleeding all over my test, i don't have tissues, good grief, ok, forget about it, move on, ok, choices A-H, no measly 4 choices, no sir, this is the big league, 8 choices, this one is closest, ok, good, i still have two hours to go! my finger continues to bleed, this is a really deep cut! how embarrassing, agh. this is hard, we never really did this in class, i'm presuming this is what i'm supposed to do, what am i doing here? everyone else is smarter than i am, i'm going to have to retake this class, no i'm not, you are doing fine, you will be ok,
And that was just a synopsis of the second assessment of the day. The first was my "hard class." Of course, we weren't informed about this quiz until two days ago. I had planned to do some hard-core studying to catch up this weekend, but nope, the profs had other plans. SO, I gathered a friend who, shall I say, is a "peer" of mine in the course and another friend, who should be teaching the class, for a crash course in beta binomial something somethings... I really had little clue going into the quiz.
When I left Colorado, some coworkers called me "Dr." before I left, I told them they couldn't call me that because I would have to experience a lot of "blood, sweat and tears" before I'd earn that title. However, during my first year, I always thought the "blood, sweat and tears" were metaphorical, you know, a lot of hard work. This year though... Tears? Check. Blood? Check. Sweat? I'm still keeping my cool.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
What could be worse than Walmart?
Most know I am not a fan of Wal-mart. As an old professor once quipped, it makes me fell like I am part of the world's problems. While in Denver I avoided it, save the annual trip to make a last minute lab purchase before school started in the morning--balloons, rubbing alcohol, string, that sort of list only a science teacher can appreciate. Aside from the few odds and ends I'd need to purchase for the classroom, I avoided it like I avoid McDonalds.
I've been posed with a dilemma. I hate Walmart, but it is only five minutes from my apartment. Time is really a commodity in grad school and I don't have the time to travel to Target or K-mart. I want to support my local store owners, but I'm a grad student and the budget allows for little wiggle room. I hate Walmart, but I admit, I shop there on occasion.
Last year, I was disappointed by my local eye doctor, he was insensitive and tried to sell me services I didn't need and then charged me a ridiculous price for a contact fitting. I swore I wouldn't go back. My eyes are not bad, I just need the annual check up and so... guess who has an optical center.
I had to go back today for a follow-up on my contacts and to get my eyes dilated. The thought of this made me burst out laughing in the car this morning. Not only was I going to a place I hate, a place that makes me feel like I'm part of the world's problems, I was going to endure the chaos with dilated eyes! How do I do this to myself?
After the dilation I had to wait. A friendly man with thick gold chain and chest hair approached me smiled and complained that there wasn't even coffee around. My eyes felt like they had been glazed with Elmer's glue and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to say, look around, this is not Starbucks! But I knew he was just trying to be friendly, I smiled and nodded. For the record, everything is dandy with my eyes.
I forgot my sunglasses in my car and so I left the store to be blinded by the only sunny day we've had in a week. To Walmart's defense, they did offer me some fashionable glasses that resembled 3D punch-out glassess one might find in a Happy Meal. I declined and opted for the vampire-blocking-the-sun look.
Somehow it is legal to drive with your eyes dilated and so I actually headed to the grocery store where I became that weird woman who shops with her sunglasses on. I'm now at home typing and doing laundry...sporting my sunglasses. This day is so bright...I gotta wear shades.
I've been posed with a dilemma. I hate Walmart, but it is only five minutes from my apartment. Time is really a commodity in grad school and I don't have the time to travel to Target or K-mart. I want to support my local store owners, but I'm a grad student and the budget allows for little wiggle room. I hate Walmart, but I admit, I shop there on occasion.
Last year, I was disappointed by my local eye doctor, he was insensitive and tried to sell me services I didn't need and then charged me a ridiculous price for a contact fitting. I swore I wouldn't go back. My eyes are not bad, I just need the annual check up and so... guess who has an optical center.
I had to go back today for a follow-up on my contacts and to get my eyes dilated. The thought of this made me burst out laughing in the car this morning. Not only was I going to a place I hate, a place that makes me feel like I'm part of the world's problems, I was going to endure the chaos with dilated eyes! How do I do this to myself?
After the dilation I had to wait. A friendly man with thick gold chain and chest hair approached me smiled and complained that there wasn't even coffee around. My eyes felt like they had been glazed with Elmer's glue and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to say, look around, this is not Starbucks! But I knew he was just trying to be friendly, I smiled and nodded. For the record, everything is dandy with my eyes.
I forgot my sunglasses in my car and so I left the store to be blinded by the only sunny day we've had in a week. To Walmart's defense, they did offer me some fashionable glasses that resembled 3D punch-out glassess one might find in a Happy Meal. I declined and opted for the vampire-blocking-the-sun look.
Somehow it is legal to drive with your eyes dilated and so I actually headed to the grocery store where I became that weird woman who shops with her sunglasses on. I'm now at home typing and doing laundry...sporting my sunglasses. This day is so bright...I gotta wear shades.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Mid-way
The mid-term came and went uneventfully. The "five hour" take home exam was humbling. When classmates ask how it went I reply, "It is probably an accurate measure of what I learned in the class." Which implies, "I left a lot blank." It is doubtful that I will fail, afterall, no one has had to retake it and I'm sure I'm not the only one with poor achievement in this class. Besides, I calculated my credits and I am sitting pretty if I really need to take it again. Besides, I'm supposed to comp in this class (Hahahaha!) and I figured I might be sitting in on it again next Fall anyway.
But it is done. That is all that really matters, and what actually matters more is that I have a dear friend to cook dinner for me tonight and celebrate a milestone of the program.
But it is done. That is all that really matters, and what actually matters more is that I have a dear friend to cook dinner for me tonight and celebrate a milestone of the program.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Mid-terms
A week from tomorrow is the midterm exam in my challenging class. At this point all of my understandings of the concepts are riddled with misconceptions or shaky at best. What is most frustrating is that this class has consumed my life. This weekend consisted of studying. Today...studying. I am becoming resentful of this class. I've attended office hours, I've asked questions of veteran grad students, I've done the practice test and still feel shaky. The only consolation I have is knowing that others feel the same way and that there is still time. If I don't do well, it isn't because I was lazy.
Friday, October 2, 2009
TGIF
Tuesday morning I woke up at 5:00A.M. and wondered how I was really going to get everything done. This has been one of those weeks that pushed my limits and showed me what I am and am not capable of. Let me recap what has happened in the last week.
Read a 300 page book cover to cover and wrote a summary paper about it
Wrote and submitted two proposals for two different conferences
Studied for and took a 2.5 hour stats test
Tutored intermediate stats for four hours
Worked
Studied for my hard class for five hours in one day (this was approximately one weeks worth of material)
Attended a First Day School Meeting
Attended an R workshop
Thursday night came and I completed my stats test at 9:30 at night. (It was no surprise to me that I missed the last two...I was exhausted) Afterword, I came home and didn't really know what to do with myself. I had plenty I COULD do, but nothing I needed to do. The inertia of this past week and those leading up to it were hard to overcome. I felt restless and anxious, like I was wasting valuable time by relaxing...which I am fairly certain is a sign that one NEEDS to relax. Today helped.
I went out to lunch with a friend from the program. We bemoaned the test, gripped about work, aired our insecurities and reminded each other that we have strengths that are not accentuated by our classes. I am thankful for this conversation. It is as if talking about grades, failings and disappointments is taboo in grad school. This silence leads to further insecurities because you perceive you are the only one struggling, the only one "not getting it." But when you start talking candidly, you realize everyone is insecure, everyone struggles with something. It reveals truths about the limits of human ability, the desire for a balanced life and an awareness of knowing when enough is enough. Those conversations reveal truths and those truths help ameliorate the feelings of inadequacy. I'm pretty certain everyone feels inadequate at something here, and if not, they are super-human... or lying.
Read a 300 page book cover to cover and wrote a summary paper about it
Wrote and submitted two proposals for two different conferences
Studied for and took a 2.5 hour stats test
Tutored intermediate stats for four hours
Worked
Studied for my hard class for five hours in one day (this was approximately one weeks worth of material)
Attended a First Day School Meeting
Attended an R workshop
Thursday night came and I completed my stats test at 9:30 at night. (It was no surprise to me that I missed the last two...I was exhausted) Afterword, I came home and didn't really know what to do with myself. I had plenty I COULD do, but nothing I needed to do. The inertia of this past week and those leading up to it were hard to overcome. I felt restless and anxious, like I was wasting valuable time by relaxing...which I am fairly certain is a sign that one NEEDS to relax. Today helped.
I went out to lunch with a friend from the program. We bemoaned the test, gripped about work, aired our insecurities and reminded each other that we have strengths that are not accentuated by our classes. I am thankful for this conversation. It is as if talking about grades, failings and disappointments is taboo in grad school. This silence leads to further insecurities because you perceive you are the only one struggling, the only one "not getting it." But when you start talking candidly, you realize everyone is insecure, everyone struggles with something. It reveals truths about the limits of human ability, the desire for a balanced life and an awareness of knowing when enough is enough. Those conversations reveal truths and those truths help ameliorate the feelings of inadequacy. I'm pretty certain everyone feels inadequate at something here, and if not, they are super-human... or lying.
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