TGIF

Tuesday morning I woke up at 5:00A.M. and wondered how I was really going to get everything done. This has been one of those weeks that pushed my limits and showed me what I am and am not capable of. Let me recap what has happened in the last week.

Read a 300 page book cover to cover and wrote a summary paper about it
Wrote and submitted two proposals for two different conferences
Studied for and took a 2.5 hour stats test
Tutored intermediate stats for four hours
Worked
Studied for my hard class for five hours in one day (this was approximately one weeks worth of material)
Attended a First Day School Meeting
Attended an R workshop

Thursday night came and I completed my stats test at 9:30 at night. (It was no surprise to me that I missed the last two...I was exhausted) Afterword, I came home and didn't really know what to do with myself. I had plenty I COULD do, but nothing I needed to do. The inertia of this past week and those leading up to it were hard to overcome. I felt restless and anxious, like I was wasting valuable time by relaxing...which I am fairly certain is a sign that one NEEDS to relax. Today helped.

I went out to lunch with a friend from the program. We bemoaned the test, gripped about work, aired our insecurities and reminded each other that we have strengths that are not accentuated by our classes. I am thankful for this conversation. It is as if talking about grades, failings and disappointments is taboo in grad school. This silence leads to further insecurities because you perceive you are the only one struggling, the only one "not getting it." But when you start talking candidly, you realize everyone is insecure, everyone struggles with something. It reveals truths about the limits of human ability, the desire for a balanced life and an awareness of knowing when enough is enough. Those conversations reveal truths and those truths help ameliorate the feelings of inadequacy. I'm pretty certain everyone feels inadequate at something here, and if not, they are super-human... or lying.