Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The process

After 6 rounds of e-mail if looked like my oral comps were to happen in late March-- it is hard to get five profs together for 2 hours. One prof kindly backed out of my committee...well she is on my committee, but she made arrangements so that she doesn't have to show up to the meeting. That allowed me to reschedule comps for a week from tomorrow. Good: this is before spring break. Bad: this is soon! It is hard to keep balanced and keep my mind in check. I start admonishing myself: You are so stupid! You are probably the dumbest person to ever take these tests. You are going to get to orals and they won't even know where to begin, because you did so bad!

I know I'm being hard on myself. I know this. It doesn't make it easier.

I know I can study and plan to study ahead of time. But, studying feels like ripping a band aid off a wound right now. Going over my weak areas is picking at a scab right now, and I just don't want to study. BUT I HAVE TO. A wise and kind friend in the program has agreed to help me study this weekend and I am thankful for her walking me through this process.

The only way out is through...

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